The Power of Saying No: Simple Steps to Protect Your Wellbeing

Why Saying No Feels So Hard—and How to Do It Gracefully

I remember that week vividly. I was already overwhelmed with budgets, forecasts, and hiring for my team; my workload was immense.

Amidst this, a colleague who had consistently turned down my offers of help suddenly approached me for assistance.

She chose the worst possible time, right when I was drowning in my own responsibilities.

But instead of saying no, I felt an overwhelming obligation to say yes.

Why did I do that?

It's a question many of us face when we feel stretched too thin but still find ourselves agreeing to take on more.

For me, it was the fear of disappointing someone, especially after offering my help so many times before. If I said no, would it seem like I didn't really mean those offers?

Psychologically, this response is more than just a reluctance to say no.

We're hardwired to avoid conflict, rejection, and the discomfort that comes from letting others down.

And while this is a human tendency; when faced with the choice to say no, many of us will default to yes to maintain harmony or avoid feeling guilty.

The fear of rejection or damaging a relationship often outweighs our own internal signals that tell us we're overwhelmed.

But here's the thing: saying yes when we don't have the capacity leads to serious consequences.

Studies indicate that people who frequently overextend themselves are more likely to experience burnout, chronic stress, and a decrease in emotional wellbeing.

That weekend, I worked non-stop to meet my own deadlines while taking on my colleague's tasks.

By Monday, I was exhausted, while everyone else was recharged and ready to tackle the week.

This experience taught me a valuable lesson: we can't always say yes at the expense of our own wellbeing.

And saying no isn't selfish; often, it's essential, to maintaining our mental wellbeing and energy.

How to Say No (Without the Guilt)

Now that we understand why saying no is so complex, how can we actually do it in a way that feels empowering instead of uncomfortable?

Here are some strategies that have helped me, and can help you, too:

1. Be Direct but Polite When Saying No

Sometimes, the best approach is to be straightforward. You don't need to over-explain or justify your no. A simple "I appreciate you asking, but I won't be able to take that on right now" works wonders. It shows respect for both your time and the other person's request.

2. Offer an Alternative When Saying No Isn't Easy

If you're worried about leaving someone in the lurch, you can offer a different form of support. For example, "I can't help with this right now, but I know [another person] might be able to assist," or "I can look into it next week when my schedule clears up." This keeps the relationship intact while honouring your boundaries.

3. Use "I" Statements to Make Saying No Easier.

When saying no, frame your response around your needs and limitations. For instance, "I'm currently focused on [task/project] and won't be able to give this the attention it deserves." This shifts the focus from the other person's expectations to your capacity, making it harder for them to push back.

4. Delay Your Response if You're Unsure About Saying No

If you're unsure whether to say no, buy yourself some time. A phrase like, "Let me check my calendar and get back to you," gives you space to consider your options without feeling pressured to respond immediately.

5. Practice Makes Perfect: Get Comfortable Saying No

If saying no feels uncomfortable, practice it in more minor, low-stakes situations. Start with things like declining a social event when you're feeling tired or opting out of a work project that isn't essential to your role. Over time, this strengthens your confidence in setting boundaries.

 6. Remember Your Priorities: Saying No to Protect Your Energy.

Before saying yes to something, remind yourself of your current priorities. Will this new task or favour distract you from something more important, like your wellbeing or a critical project?

If so, saying no aligns with your goals, not against them.

In hindsight, if I had applied these principles, I would have been better equipped to say no to my colleague without feeling like I was letting her down.

I might have said something like, "I'd love to help, but I'm already committed to several projects, and I don't have the bandwidth right now."

Or, I could have offered to help her find another solution without overloading myself.

Saying no can feel uncomfortable, but it's one of the most important skills we can develop to protect our mental health and energy.

When you say no, you're not just declining a task; you're taking responsibility for yourself and your wellbeing. And let me tell you, you are worth that. As women, we often feel the pressure to keep going, but we can't rely on others to recognise when we're at our limit. We need to take responsibility for ourselves by confidently communicating what we need and setting those boundaries. After all, no one else can do it for us.

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