Self-Imposed Boundaries: Recognising our Invisible Fences

When our puppy first came home, he was a tiny bundle of curiosity and energy, constantly exploring his new world.

To keep him safe, we put up a makeshift fence near the back gate, a a simple barrier to prevent him from running out when we opened it.

The fence was pretty flimsy, barely more than a reminder, but to him, it was a significant obstacle.

Every time he approached it, he’d sit quietly behind it, waiting for us to let him through, never daring to push it over.

As the months passed, he grew stronger, larger, and more capable.

By six months old, he could have easily knocked that little fence down with a gentle nudge, yet he never even tried.

He had already accepted that this fence, however flimsy, was a barrier he couldn’t cross.

It got me thinking about how we, too, often live behind invisible boundaries we set for ourselves long ago.

Just like our puppy, we sit politely behind old beliefs and limitations, never considering that we now have the strength and resources to push past them.

These boundaries may have served us once, keeping us safe or helping us cope, but as we grow, they can become the fences that hold us back from reaching our full potential.

So, how do we recognise these self-imposed boundaries? And, more importantly, how can we push past them?

Recognising Our “Fences” – How Self-Imposed Boundaries Hold Us Back

Self-imposed boundaries are like invisible fences in our minds, barriers we create at some point to keep us safe or to make sense of difficult experiences we face.

Often, they’re beliefs we’ve internalised over time, like “I’m not good at speaking in public” or “I can’t handle conflict.”

These thoughts served a purpose when they were first formed, but as we grow and evolve, they can start to feel limiting, even outdated.

But beliefs can be challenged and reframed.

What we once believed to be true doesn’t have to stay that way.

And just because something feels true doesn’t mean it’s an accurate reflection of our current capabilities.

Reflection Exercise: Take a moment to think about an area in your life where you feel held back.

Is it a belief that’s been with you for a long time?

Did you not have the resources when you were younger, but now you do?

How did it form? Does it still serve you today, or is it time to question its validity?

Step One to Freedom – Awareness Through Self-Reflection

Awareness is the first step toward dismantling self-imposed boundaries.

Without recognising them, we can’t begin to challenge them.

The good news is that developing self-awareness doesn’t require drastic change; it starts with gentle curiosity.

TIP:

Engage in regular self-reflection, like journaling, to explore where you feel limited.

Here are some prompts to get started:

• “What’s one thing I wish I could do but feel I can’t?”

• “Where do I consistently feel ‘not enough’?”

• “What boundaries or limitations feel outdated?”

Metacognition, or “thinking about thinking,” is a powerful tool for recognising our own mental patterns.

By observing our thoughts, we become more aware of the beliefs that shape our actions.

Self-reflection allows us to spot the invisible fences we didn’t realise existed.

Exercise:

Try setting aside 10 minutes daily to jot down moments when you felt restricted or unable to act.

Later, review your notes to see if any patterns emerge.

These patterns might reveal self-imposed boundaries you weren’t fully aware of.

Understanding the Origins: Why Do We Create These Boundaries?

Our self-imposed boundaries often originate in past experiences, particularly those from our formative years.

Maybe we were told we weren’t “good enough” at something, or perhaps we had to play it safe to avoid disappointment.

These moments, however brief, can leave lasting imprints that shape our beliefs.

According to Attachment Theory, our early relationships can profoundly impact our sense of safety and autonomy.

If we were often criticised or felt unsupported in taking risks, we may have developed self-imposed boundaries as a form of self-protection.

Exercise:

Reflect on a time when you felt limited or judged in the past.

How might that experience have influenced the beliefs you hold today?

Understanding these origins doesn’t mean dwelling on the past, but it can give us a starting point for healing and growth.

Identifying Your Current Strengths: Are You Ready to Push the Fence?

It’s easy to overlook just how much we’ve grown and how many resources we now have.

Often, these self-imposed boundaries were created during times when we felt vulnerable, and we may not realise just how capable we’ve become since then.

Growth Mindset Theory tells us that by viewing ourselves as flexible and adaptive, we open the door to new possibilities.

Recognising our strengths can be an empowering way to challenge old beliefs.

Exercise:

Make a list of strengths you possess today that you didn’t have when your self-imposed boundaries were created.

This could be skills, relationships, coping mechanisms, or any form of support you’ve developed.

Revisit this list whenever you feel held back as a reminder of your readiness to step beyond the old “fence.”

Related Blog: Why a Growth Mindset is Crucial for Achieving Your Goals and Enjoying Life

Practicing New Patterns – Challenging and Expanding Your Boundaries

Once we’ve recognised our self-imposed boundaries, it’s time to gently test them.

Start with small, manageable actions that push you a little beyond your comfort zone.

The goal is to begin rewiring your mind to see that these boundaries are flexible, not fixed.

Behavioural Activation, a strategy used in CBT, involves taking small, positive actions to influence our thoughts and beliefs.

By gradually testing our boundaries, we can start breaking down limiting beliefs.

Exercise:

Set a weekly “stretch goal”, something slightly outside your comfort zone.

This could be speaking up in a meeting, trying a new skill, or simply asking for something you need.

Each time you take a small action beyond the fence, you reinforce a new belief: “I am capable and ready to grow.”

Related Blog: The Real Reasons You're Feeling Stuck: 7 Psychological Roadblocks (and How to Move Forward)

Revisiting and Updating Boundaries Regularly

Our needs, values, and abilities change over time, so it’s essential to re-evaluate our boundaries periodically.

What served us at one stage may need updating at another, especially as we continue to grow.

As highlighted in Kristin Neff’s research, self-compassion is crucial for this process.

Being kind to ourselves allows us to release old boundaries without judgment, accepting that our needs evolve.

TIP:

Schedule regular “boundary check-ins”……..monthly or quarterly, to assess if any limitations feel outdated.

Are there areas where you’ve grown? If so, what new boundaries feel more aligned with your current self?

Related Blogs:

Boundaries vs. Ultimatums: How to Protect Your Well-Being Without Controlling Others

Cultivating Self-Compassion: A Guide to Kindness Within

Embracing the Open Field Beyond the Fence

Just like our puppy, who outgrew his fence but continued to sit behind it, many of us have moved beyond our initial limitations.

The fences that once kept us safe now hold us back from exploring what’s possible.

Recognising and challenging these boundaries takes courage, but the reward is a life of greater freedom and fulfilment.

As you move forward, keep asking yourself: What “fences” am I ready to move beyond?

Remember, the power to expand lies within you.

The only question is…………are you willing to step into the open field and discover what lies beyond?