How Your Relationship With Yourself Shapes Your Life: and What to Do If It’s Holding You Back.

17 Feb

Woman holding flowers - relationship with yourself

We hear it constantly: “You need to love yourself first.” “Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have.”

But what does that actually mean? And why does it matter so much?

The truth is, your relationship with yourself shapes everything: your confidence, choices, relationships, career, and even your sense of happiness.

When that relationship is strong, it acts as a foundation for resilience, joy, and fulfilment.

But if it’s filled with self-criticism, doubt, or neglect, it can hold you back in ways you may not even realise.

And here’s the thing: many of us don’t even recognise where that self-denial comes from because it’s been ingrained in us since childhood.

Why Self-Love Feels Unnatural to So Many of Us

How often were you told growing up to be humble, to not think too highly of yourself, or to avoid standing out too much?

Does this sound familiar?

• “Don’t be a big head.”

• “Nobody likes a show-off.”

• “The higher you climb, the harder you fall.”

• “Who do you think you are?”

• “You’re not that special.”

These messages might have been meant to keep you grounded, but they really planted seeds of self-doubt.

I remember being in school when a new girl confidently walked into the room, and the reaction was, “Well, don’t they love themselves?” it wasn’t meant as a compliment.

Somewhere along the way, we absorbed the belief that having a loving relationship with yourself was a bad thing, that confidence meant arrogance, and that standing out made you a target.

So, we learned to shrink, downplay our talents, hesitate before speaking up, and put others first, not out of genuine generosity but because we thought it was the “right” thing to do.

But here’s what nobody told us: Having a loving relationship with yourself doesn’t take anything away from anyone else.

Imagine if we grew up understanding that self-love isn’t selfish but essential, that being different isn’t a threat but a gift, and that when we embrace who we are, we actually bring more to our communities, relationships, and the world around us.

So, let’s talk about what it actually means to love yourself, and why it’s time to unlearn the programming that told us otherwise.

1. How Your Relationship with Yourself Shapes the Choices You Make.

The way you see yourself directly impacts the decisions you make.

If you believe in your worth, you’ll choose relationships, jobs, and experiences that reflect that.

If you don’t, you’ll settle, whether it’s staying in an unfulfilling job, allowing toxic relationships, or hesitating to go after what you really want.

Self-love is the difference between thinking, “I hope they like me,” and “I hope this is right for me.” It shifts your mindset from seeking approval to standing in your own value.

TIP:

Ask yourself: Where in my life am I settling because I don’t fully believe I deserve better? What would I do differently if I trusted my worth?

2. Your Inner Dialogue Becomes Your Reality

The way you speak to yourself matters. If your inner voice is constantly tearing you down, telling you you’re not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough, eventually, you start believing it.

Think about it: Would you ever speak to a friend the way you talk to yourself? Probably not. So why is it okay when it’s you?

When you shift from self-criticism to self-compassion, everything changes. Instead of beating yourself up for mistakes, you learn from them. Instead of doubting yourself, you start trusting yourself. And that shift doesn’t just change how you feel…..it changes how you show up in the world.

TIP:

Start paying attention to your self-talk. When you catch yourself being self-critical, ask: Would I say this to someone I love? If not, reframe it into something kinder and more supportive.

3. Why your Relationship With Yourself Affects How Others Treat You.

Here’s a truth we don’t talk about enough: People learn how to treat you by watching how you treat yourself.

If you constantly put yourself last, people assume it’s okay to take you for granted.

If you don’t set boundaries, others won’t either.

But when you respect yourself, you naturally attract relationships that reflect that same level of respect.

This isn’t about being harsh or cutting people off, it’s about showing up for yourself how you wish others would.

TIP:

Think about one area of your life where you feel unappreciated. Then ask yourself: Am I treating myself with the same love and respect I expect from others? If not, start there.

4. Your Mindset Shapes Your External World

Your thoughts create your reality. If you believe you’re not good enough, you’ll unconsciously sabotage yourself, hesitate to take risks and filter out the evidence of your own success.

But when you shift that belief, doors start opening.

Self-love isn’t just about feeling good, it’s about believing in yourself enough to step into the opportunities life presents to you.

The more you nurture this mindset, the more you’ll see the world respond to it.

TIP:

When you finish your day, write down three things you’re proud of yourself, no matter how small. This rewires your brain to focus on your strengths instead of your doubts.

5. When You Love Yourself, You Show Up Differently in the world

We’ve been conditioned to believe that self-love is about me, me, me. But real self-love makes you better, not just for yourself but for everyone around you.

• When you strengthen your relationship with yourself, you stop seeking validation from others, making your relationships healthier.

• When you believe in yourself, you go after your dreams, inspiring others to do the same.

• When you set boundaries, you teach others that self-respect is non-negotiable.

And most importantly, when you embrace who you are, you create space for others to do the same.

Imagine a world where people weren’t afraid to love themselves, to take up space, and to be proud of who they are. Imagine if we stopped seeing confidence as arrogance and started seeing it as self-acceptance. And if we stopped seeing differences as threats and started celebrating them as contributions.

That’s the world we create when we learn to love ourselves.

Loving yourself isn’t about ego. It’s about owning who you are, valuing your worth, and letting go of the outdated programming that told you to shrink.

So, let’s unlearn the belief that loving yourself is a bad thing. Let’s replace it with a new belief: that self-love is the foundation for a fulfilling, authentic life.

Building a stronger relationship with yourself isn’t a onetime thing: its a daily practice.

Now, ask yourself: What’s one thing you can do today to start treating yourself with more love and respect?

Let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear from you.

If your relationship with yourself isn’t supporting the life you want, it may be time to shift from self-doubt and hesitation to self-trust and confidence.

Returning Home to YOURSELF was designed for exactly that, helping you release old programming, break free from unconsciously limiting beliefs and stepping into your worth.

Click here to find out more and start creating the life that truly reflect who you are.

For further reading on self-compassion, check out the following books: